If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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