I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
