perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
