i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
