Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
