I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
