so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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