Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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