Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My feet surprised me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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