i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
