smell my finger.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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