Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
