dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
