guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
