just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
