This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
