oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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