Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
