Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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