Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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