It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
