We need to rekindle our bromance
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
