I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
