honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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