awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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