I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
