well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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