The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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