I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
