He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
