3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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