No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
