Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
