he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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