i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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