Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
