Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
