Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
