you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
