saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
