My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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