Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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