I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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