She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
