He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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