the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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