Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
