Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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