I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
