Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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