Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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