So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
